Healing as ‘surrender.’ (Part XIII)

Welcome to Part XIII of the series, “What does it mean to heal trauma?” When it comes to trauma and discussing healing through ‘surrender,’ this becomes a tougher exploration, and often one that is not available to a survivor until they are further along in their healing process. This is because survivors have frequently experienced being overpowered, overwhelmed, forcefully dominated or subdued as part of their experience that resulted in the trauma. Their sense of power, personal agency, choice, and physical sovereignty was disrespected, betrayed, and violated. Thus, talking about “surrender” to someone who has yet to recover a sense of sovereignty might be difficult or just simply badly timed. Surrender and its power are experiences that come through one’s will, one’s agency, one’s choice. It must be given willfully, not taken away by force.

Surrender and its power are experiences that come through one’s will, one’s agency, one’s choice. It must be given willfully, not taken away by force.

While a person may experience or even be stuck in patterns of controlling behavior, this is rooted in their system’s efforts to establish a felt sense of safety. While we have explored the idea that we have these fundamental drives towards feeling safe and secure in a world that often is not safe or predictable, we seek these things nonetheless. For a survivor who has yet to experience safety, agency, and choice, especially in the body, it is important to first focus efforts on cultivating this sense.

Personally, my exploration of surrender, and my experience of surrender, were in relation to my spirituality. This is an important point to emphasize within this exploration. I am not so much suggesting the idea of healing by surrendering one’s power to others as part of one’s healing. Again, for folks who struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries (as I have!), the idea here is not about giving up towards others, not fighting back when angry, not asserting one’s agency and needs. It is about something deeper when it comes to one’s sense of power “in the world.” It’s perhaps more on the level of mind and metaphysics, spirituality, than it is about surrender in relationships.

For me, the practice of surrender came spontaneously as I realized, through spiritual teachings and meditation, that my mind has edges and limitations when it comes to predicting, problem-solving, and managing “life.” I came to see that I have been and always will be unable to control anything in my life. I can plan, I can prepare, I can make requests of myself and others, but ultimately I am not in control of it all. And no one is.

While this may be a scary thought at one level of consciousness, a higher or deeper level of consciousness may see that one is, in fact, simply a “ray” of the Divine, a manifestation of the Absolute which is, ultimately, “what” is in “control” of manifest reality. Thus, the practice becomes to deepen one’s sense of this as reality, and to deepen one’s trust in the mystery of this process, the profound limitations of the mind to grasp or understand the bigger picture, and the cosmic humor of the never-ending quest of the mind to try and answer or solve everything, despite its rather dubious track record at actually knowing what is “best” or being able to create permanent solutions.

The concept of surrender is at the root of many of the world’s established spiritual traditions. Islam itself means “submission to Allah/God,” and being a Muslim means “one who submits to Allah/God.” In Christianity, the so-called “Lord’s Prayer” offers “not my will, but thine be done.” In yoga, the Bhagavad Gita urges us to surrender both our action and the fruits of all actions to the Lord (Isvara Krishna, a manifestation of the Absolute or “God”). In Taosim and Chinese philosophy, the concept of wu wei and wu bu wei are at the heart of the spiritual path. By “doing nothing” (wu wei) one accomplishes everything, and is free to do anything (wu bu wei); because, one is no longer trying to bend the universe to her or his will. One realizes the Power behind the movement of the Cosmos, as it is, without us. It all just happens. One realizes, as Franciscan monk and author Richard Rohr teaches, we are not that important, life is not about us, and us we are all going to die.

Surrender in these paths is integral to experiencing the deepest wholeness and connection to the Divine. That is why this can be an aspect of healing, of regaining or recovering ones sense of wholeness, one’s sense of integrity and integration. As Sri Aurobindo puts it, this surrender is more than just giving up and asking the Divine to do all the work (Aurobindo, 1990). It still requires a conscious action on the part of the person, the decision to let go and truly give the entirety of one’s being (thoughts, ideas, preferences, ambition, desires, and so forth) to the Divine. It requires the being (us) to let go, it requires, in a sense, the death of the “ego.” This does not mean the eradication of the ego as an executive, decision-making and organizational function required for living in the world. Instead, it refers to letting go of the ego’s conviction that it knows best and should be allowed to pursue its various means of acquiring safety, security, power, wealth, and more, no matter what. It is what the Apostle Paul referred to as being “crucified in Christ.” This crucifixion is the act of releasing all the “bindings” of one’s egoic pursuits.

Suggesting to a survivor that their efforts to establish safety and security are egoic pursuits can be a tough sell. It is a tough sell even when there is not trauma at hand. Be that as it may, the deeper teachings often bring one to this point: the efforts to arrive at some sense of permanent safety and security are in vain. We are not in control, never have been and never will be; and, surrendering all of one’s being to the Divine may actually be the path to safety and security by “giving up,” by denying the ego what it has worked for all its life, and placing one’s ultimate sense of safety, trust, and belonging into the “hands” of God. For me personally, this resulted in a profound sense of release and even relief, as I found myself no longer trapped by my mind’s unceasing efforts to “figure it all out.” It already is figured out by the Divine. We are held and safe, secure, in the ultimateness of the Absolute. This is a deep healing.

Part XIV continues this series, exploring the ideas of bigger picture as well as more focused or “tactical” healing efforts.

References

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